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Album of The Year 2019 (The Lost Write Up #2): Denzel Curry - ZUU
Denzel Curry is a man who absolutely prides himself in where he came from. Born on February 16, 1995 in Carol City, Florida, Curry would become defined by and, in a way, a living embodiment of the city. As a young boy, Denzel saw a man from Carol City who not only was a celebrity, but one of the biggest rappers coming up. That man was Rick Ross. Seeing Ross’s success inspired Denzel, as it showed him it was possible to make a name for himself out of Carol City. As a result, he evolved from writing poetry to writing songs. Eventually, Denzel would start rapping at a local Boys and Girls club in the sixth grade and from there him and his friends would work on their skill and craft as artists.
In high school, Denzel was a self professed “gook”, which basically means he was weird and not exactly like everyone else. He took pride in being different however, wearing the “gook” name as a badge of honor. Denzel was not exactly a perfect student either, he got kicked out of one of his schools and would often not pay attention in class to work on his music. A lot of Denzel’s high school time revolved around music. Fortunately, around this time, Denzel would have those music dreams pay off, as he would join SpaceGhostPurpp’s Raider Klan. With his new membership in Raider Klan, Denzel would go on to release music that was very well received by fans and that made him a clear standout among the group. In 2013, Trayvon Martin was murdered. What does this have to do with Denzel you may ask, well Treyvon lived in Carol City and Denzel even had mutual friends with him. After this event, it was clear that something changed in Denzel. He began to make music that was more serious and had some deeper themes and messages to them. Denzel was starting to become a true artist after this. This would eventually reach a boiling point when Nostalgic 64, his first album, and, in my opinion, one of the absolute best and most badass introduction projects, was released. After that, however, his brother was tased to death by police officers, which made Denzel develop further as an artist, which is what ultimately shaped him into what he is today. He also left Raider Klan, which helped him break out of the strictly underground scene. Now you guys know the story from here. Denzel released his breakout single, Ultimate, he released Imperial, he became very closely tied to some big names like XXXTENTACION, Ski Mask the Slump God , Rick Ross himself and even got co signs from the likes of Earl Sweatshirt, Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J. He was also in the legendary 2016 Freshman Cypher with Lil Uzi Vert, Lil Yachty, 21 Savage and Kodak Black and most notably, he released TA13OO, an album that, to some people, is a modern masterpiece that stands among the best hip hop albums of the 2010s. With TA13OO touching on heavy themes such as politics, mental health, the drug issues rappers have not ending even after Lil Peep’s death and much more, many wondered if he would make another album with heavy themes or go in a new direction entirely. We would get our answer in a little less then a year.
That brings us to late 2018 to early 2019. He’s seen Carol City at the lows of Trayvon’s murder and his brother’s murder, but the people there always stuck by him. The place was always in his blood, even as he lost his brother and many friends, including his close friend from a neighboring town, the controversial XXXTENTACION among other things. In a sudden act of homesickness, Denzel decided that he wanted to make an album that was a love letter to Florida, but an absolute dedication, a Chronic for, his hometown.
Before I even begin on the tracks themselves, there are two other things worthy of praise, the cover art and the feature list. Denzel wanted this album to feel like a hot summer day in Carol City, he needed a cover art that set the atmosphere. To do this, he put on a Marlins shirt and posed in front of a badass drop top muscle car. Boom, this album is already dripping with atmosphere and has established a set tone, one that is a stark contrast from the horror movie and Pennywise type look that TA13OO had. Then we have the features. When you first look at the features, you may react how I did, you’ll think “why would he get this random group of guys I’ve never heard of and Rick Ross to go with them?”. However, among further research, you will find that all the features(besides Tay Keith on production) are all artists who come from or reside in Carol City. With this album being a celebration of Carol City, Denzel took up and comers from there and the legend from there and put them all on one album, to solidify this as a project made for and to his city.
If I had to describe this project properly, it’s like Denzel taking us on a ride through Carol City in his muscle car. After him taking us on a decent into hell and his dark side on TA13OO, this album is him taking us on a summer ride through the town, again, a stark contrast. Now, without further ado, let’s dive right into the tracklist.
ZUU: With this track, Denzel takes us on a ride through the city in general. He gives us a catchy hook that then turns into him screaming “ZUU” over and over, immediately establishing that though this is album will not be as dark or sinister as TA13OO, that the aggression is not lost and this car ride might be a bit bumpier then expected. As Denzel drives us around, he gives us all kinds of details about his city. He describes how you rep your set there, how the police do not “serve and protect” and how the city raised him. He does all this very briefly and does not go into much detail, but it immediately sets the tone and makes a collage of what Carol City is. With these small descriptions, we can immediately see what the “Zuu” is and can imagine what it’s like to live there from Denzel’s POV. The track then closes with Denzel’s father, Ricky, teaching a boy some manners, to call him “Mr. Rick”. This takes us to our next track....
RICKY: With the previous track, Denzel drove us around the city, with this track, Denzel is driving us by his old neighborhood. The track is hard, it’s catchy, it bangs, but it also gives us insight on Denzel’s parents and the way he was raised. As we’re riding through, Denzel tells us(on the track of course) how his parents raised him in respectable, but slightly contradicting ways. For example, his father told him to treat girls like his mother, but his mother told him not to trust any girls. It’s a realistic portrayal of parents, as many parents, mine especially, raise boys a lot like that. We are told how Ricky always told Denzel to leave the Zuu, however he also says to not forget about it and to remember where he came from, but that there is more to life then the neighborhood. He then describes how his mother told him to pray before bed, typical mother stuff. With the next verse, Denzel briefly tells us about life before Nostalgic 64 dropped. Ricky took Denzel to see music concerts, he joined Raider Klan, etc. With this ride through the neighborhood, we are caught up with Denzel’s upbringing. His parents taught him good morals, they told him to leave and be successful, he then joined Raider Klan and made something of himself. It’s a rather simple story, but an inspiring one. Also here’s a cool fact, those deep voices you hear in the song can actually be done by Denzel without editing! Denzel can actually makes his voice that deep, it’s insane!
WISH: With this song, Denzel is mostly flexing and talking about getting hoes, having money, you get the drill. He gives us a very nice hook that is sure to get stuck in your head and a verse with a nice flow as usual. He then gets slightly more somber, telling us he misses X and his brother, but that doesn’t ruin Denzel’s mood. We then make a pit stop to pick up Denzel’s friend and local Carol City rapper, Kiddo Marv. Kiddo Marv’s verse tells a bit about himself and shows his potential as a rapper. We learn that Marv was a manager before he “bossed” up and he only goes to church when they have a funeral, which is nearly every week. That’s something I find interesting in this song, though it’s rather upbeat, Denzel and Marv both briefly get a little bleak, even for just a moment. It’s a nice little verse and gives us a glimpse into what Marv could bring to the table. The song isn’t the most well written song ever or is as interesting as some others maybe, but it’s a solid and very fun tune to listen to on a hot summer day.
BIRDZ: I could describe this track as being taken on a ride through the more dangerous section of town. We’re greeted with an intense and almost industrial sounding beat, it’s big, it’s intimidating, but man does it go hard. Denzel paints us a picture of how dangerous this place could be in is first verse. He invites us to see the culture, which involves lots of guns, gangs and violence. After this verse, we pull over to pick up another one of Denzel’s friends, none other then the Carol City legend himself, Rick Ross. His verse continues detailing more grim parts of the town. He talks about doing drugs, smoking, y’all know the type of stuff he’s talking about. On the surface it seems a bit like bragging but then he says “I’m penning a memoir, I pray I live to tell it”. This makes the verse a bit more somber, saying Ross is having fears that he may die young. After this, Ross brings the song back to the focus of violence, doing so by paying tribute to recently deceased West Coast legend Nipsey Hussle, who died after being shot. Denzel returns and tells us how he prays for forgiveness for his crimes and bad thoughts. After this he tells us while his city is full of “palm trees and bad bitches”, it is also full of “bad business” and people will switch up on you if greed gets in the way. This song takes us on a detour down the dark side of Carol City, the grimy and filth crime ridden and drug filled part of it. It details the bad people who switch up on friends that live there. The harsh beat matches this subject matter perfectly and it’s especially interesting to hear Ross on a beat like this when he’s usually on very lush production. It’s a great track and definitely among the best on the tape.
AUTOMATIC: For this track, producer Tay Keith joins us in our journey. If you don’t know Tay Keith, he is the man who produced Sicko Mode, Stoopid, Shoot, etc. With this track, Denzel remembers the times before he had money. Denzel remembers how he was on drugs, but now “life’s a trip”. He remembers how he didn’t go to college, but he’s successful now. He remembers all these things about his life before and is determined to not go back to that, as he father told him not to in Ricky. With the second verse, Denzel talks about a subject that he touches on quite often, fake friends and switching up. Now that he’s on the path to success, he must “watch for the serpents”. He then tells everyone a clear message: if you didn’t believe in him before or were there for him back when him and his brother were burning CDs, then don’t bother with him now.
SPEEDBOAT: For this track, I like to think that Denzel has parked at the beach and is taking us on a ride in, you guessed it, a Speedboat. With this song, Denzel briefly talks about not going to college, he talks about nice cars, jewelry, it’s not a song about anything in particular, just a good flow with solid lyrics. However, there is one thing in this song I found very interesting, Denzel touches a good bit on XXXTENTACION’s death. Now we all know about X. He was a controversial man and many have strong opinions on him, but one thing is for sure, him and Denzel were very close. Denzel touches on his song in the hook of this song and in the verses as well. In the hook, he talks about how his “dawg didn’t make it past 21”, obviously talking about X, but then in the verses he says a bit more. In the first verse, Denzel talks about things trying to harm him, which shows he’s a bit paranoid. He then says he’s worried about people swarming him and is invested in a guard dog. Well, we then learn why, after X died, he’s a bit paranoid and is even starting to have a teflon everywhere he goes. He does not dwell on this however. This album is not meant to be sad or dwell on the negative, so Denzel does not elaborate or go further into detail. Beyond that, the song has a very nice hook, it follows a nice cadence and is very easy to rap along to. For the verses, he gives us good flow that is easy to follow. It’s a nice song that is great to play on a summer day, but a few lines here and there indicate that there is some lingering paranoia and sadness in Denzel, but not enough to keep his spirits down.
BUSHY B INTERLUDE: Since Denzel is dedicating this album to the Miami area, he has this really cool tribute interlude to Bushy B. Bushy B is a Miami rapper, he’s not well known, by very respected in the area Denzel is from. I admit I don’t know much about him, but I may check out his stuff in the future. In this song, Denzel samples Bushy B song, Poppin’. As for the lyrics, Denzel gets slightly more somber then we’ve seen on this album. He is talking to a woman who didn’t love him before, but now wants him because of his fame. Again, this continues the theme of people wanting him now due to fame from Automatic. She didn’t want him before because he wasn’t “hood” and now, ironically, she wants him because he’s successful and is the farthest thing from being hood. Him telling her this floats smoothly over the production and the Bushy B sample and makes for a brief, yet touching interlude.
YOO: Here, we learn the complex interworkings of the ancient language of “ZUU”. In all seriousness, this interlude is just someone talking to someone else who lives in Carol City and when asked literally anything he just says “yo”. This skit sounds kinda silly and it very much is, but it’s absolutely hilarious. Easily one of my favorite skits ever.
CAROLMART: For this song, local Carol City DJ, Ice Billion Berg joins us for another ride around the city. Ice Billion Berg delivers an absolutely infectious hook that I still can’t get out of my head and then Denzel comes through with some hard verses. In this song, Denzel celebrates South Florida. He tells us in the intro of the song about how the have the baddest bitches and how they have the best weather. Denzel makes it clear that, in his mind, there is no better place on Earth. Along with that, Denzel talks about wearing “all black” and causing violence, which is nice foreshadowing to upcoming song, PAT.
SHAKE 88: With this song, Denzel pulls us over and we step into a club. Girls are dancing, ass is being thrown, all of that. To put that in fancy terms, this song is a twerk anthem. This song is a damn good twerk anthem at that. It’s catchy, it bangs, it has good flow, it is just an all around good track. Sam Sneak, a local Carol City artist, even stops by to give us an outro. All of this adds up to easily the best twerk anthem in quite some time.
BLACKLAND 66.6/P.A.T.: After a long day of riding and a night of clubbing, we then grab the masks, get the weapons and get up to some night time trouble. This song, like Black Metal Terrorist on TA13OO, is a vicious closer that leaves us on an exhilarating note. This song is murder music and trap metal at its finest. We are given the hardest hook of the year, including the “all black, sticks out like I’m Voldemort!!” line that absolutely never fails to get me hyped. Denzel tells us how he grew up in the city where people don’t have goals, he says it never snows there but the people are cold blooded, he describes Carol City in a scary way, letting us know that while he does love the city, it can be dangerous. He lets us know that though the place is sunny and has pretty girls and good people, that there is a dark side to it. After this, PlayThatBoiZay(who better be taking my artistic advice) delivers by far the hardest feature on this album. Not many people can match Denzel’s energy, but this newcomer from Carol City more then proves that he is more then capable of doing so. As a side note, I strongly recommended PlayThatBoiZay’s latest tape, it goes crazy hard
With the album being wrapped up, we have now completed our journey through the Zuu. We’ve seen the good, the bad, the violent, everything about it. We also learned some more about Denzel’s background and upbringing, but that did not come at the risk of sacrificing the fun of the album. Denzel set out to give Carol City their own Chronic, and I’d say he definitely succeeded. This album is an amazing concept executed in a great way, while also acting as a light side to the darkness that was TA13OO. Does the album have moments where Denzel’s lyrics aren’t exactly top tier and maybe a bit corny? Sure. But that does not stop this album from easily being one of the best of the year and a terrific project.
This what you made me, Carol City raised me.
Trick said I’m a thug, that’s the hate u gave me.
- Denzel Curry on ZUU
Your mama ain’t shit, your daddy ain’t shit and I’ve been making waves way before Nostalgic.
- Denzel Curry on RICKY
Come take a look at my city and it’s culture.
City full of vultures, city full of Zoe’s.
City full of gangsters that’s sticking to the code.
- Denzel Curry on BIRDZ
My dawg didn’t make it past 21, so I gotta make it past 24.
- Denzel Curry on SPEEDBOAT
- the voicemail dude on YOO
South Florida might be the most beautifulest place in all the land, homie look at all these bad bitches, how could you not ride with one in the drop?
How could you not catch a stunt in the most perfectest weather the Earth’s got?
- Denzel Curry on CAROLMART
All black, sticks out like I’m Voldemort!
- Denzel Curry on P.A.T.
- What are your overall thoughts on this album? How do you think it ranks with TA13OO or any other Denzel project?
- Do you think this album is worthy of being a Chronic for Carol City?
- What did you think of the features? Which one was your favorite? Which ones do you think have potential for a big future?
- Do you think we may see more albums that are done similar to this one in the future?
Never. Ruin. Your. Sister's. Prom. Dress.
So this takes place when I was 16, wide-eyed, full of wonder and (much to a lot of judges displeasures) unable to be tried as an adult. I had myself a big brother we'll call Elio. And like many big brothers at the time, he was coming to terms with his flowering sexuality (among other things that went shooting up from otherwise flat surfaces whenever Robin appeared onscreen in Batman Forever). He did his best to keep it a secret, plastering playboy centerfolds over his Ariana Grande posters, and stoically sitting through the game with my dad during superbowl parties (albeit through gritted teeth probably wishing he could watch a Britney Spears music video instead). But much like a Nintendo switch under the tree on Christmas Eve you can't keep something this major under wraps for long where nosy kids are involved. The nosy kid in this case being me.
Like many twinks who came before him upon discovering an alternative lifestyle from the rigid confines of toxic heterosexual masculinity, Elio took it upon himself to explore his feminine side with all the zeal and passion of a prophet with a message. (Mount Hira in this scenario being a nightclub bathroom while the Angel Jibril was a 6'6 YMCA trainer who spelled his name Johnni with an i). Ironically this eagerness to play up the girly shtick was how he came to succumb to the worst sin you can commit as a brother- stealing your sister's clothes. (A message to all the gay men reading this. Her wardrobe is not your experimental laboratory, and you ain't Dr. Frankenstein).
Now in my defense if Elio had the decency to just ask me to borrow my stuff, under the guise of shopping for some made up girlfriend with the same shoe size/colors/height as myself, I'd have happily obliged. Heck, if he had just offered himself up as a sacrificial lamb modeling for my startup "clothing line" (sixteen year old me considered herself a fashionista with a penchant for designing outfits and recycling her wardrobe to bring them to life) id have been all to eager to be his guide into the world of women's fashion. But the two-faced bastard opted to sneak into my closet and try on my stuff without permission. He thought he was being slick putting them back when he was done, but I was a petite womens zero and he was a mens medium. Now had he simply owned up to being incompatible with my measurements and admitted his crime to me the first time, I might have restrained from the retribution I'd go onto unleash. But instead he continued to indulge in his deluded fantasy that we were the same size and for weeks, I'd try on my clothes only to find them grotesquely stretched out of shape, with no explanation. I tried hiding my clothes in parts of the closet i didn't think the thief would check, only for him to find them. I began sleeping with my favorite clothes like a stuffed animal, but even my embrace couldn't protect them from being warped beyond wearability. I started hiding my junior prom dress under the bed. At one point I was lowkey starting to consider the possibility that I was beginning to shrink. And had I not come home early from a cancelled SAT prep session one afternoon (my tutor got wind of a family emergency halfway through), this story might have otherwise ended with me in a straight jacked begging some burned out shrink to save me before I went microscopic. But fate had other plans. I made a beeline for my room to find sounds coming from behind the door. Upon realizing that I was bearing witness to the dastardly clothing deformer, I hid in the bathroom in the corridor and peeked through a crack in the door for the culprit to leave my room. Imagine my shock when I discovered it was Elio. To my horror, I watched him go under my bed to place something there and upon his departure my worst fears were confirmed- he had tried on my beloved prom dress! (Earlier in the week I had bragged to him about the lengths I had gone to hide it from the "closet ghost" thinking it would go through one ear and out the other with him, and just wanting an excuse to flex on how smart I was to take extra precautions). I storm in, demanding to know why he was wearing my clothes. He condescendingly tells me that he looks better in them than I do.
I was heartbroken to find that the zipper had broken and the fit was horribly mangled! I went down in tears begging for my mom to tell me it could be salvaged, only for her to tell me what I prayed she wouldnt). She wasn't particularly sympathetic, thinking i had done the damage myself, and refused to buy me another one. I demanded that Elio pay me back for the dress so I could buy another but he gave me less than half of what it cost. He refused to believe that it cost more than what I said it did, and unfortunately, my mom didn't have the receipt to prove it on account of being a bit scatterbrained when It comes to keeping track of payments. When I threatened to tell her that he was the one who ruined the dress, he laughed and said they'd never believe me. In spite of my rage and fury sending me into a frenzy of hysterics, I still knew he was right (the two faced bastard deserved an Oscar for his straight facade and even if he was prancing around in a rainbow unitard singing born this way by Lady Gaga, my folks were the type who would deny his gayness right up until the moment they came home to find him getting jackhammered on the kitchen table by a Puerto Rican bodybuilder). I realized that if I wanted to get even, I needed my own plan or action. And that was to hit him where it hurt. But where exactly is the weak spot on your brother when his standard boy ones have long since gone numb from an overuse of fleshlights, and his rectal cavity as a storage unit? The answers lay in his phone.
After several weeks of casually walking behind the couch every time Elio whipped out his phone on it, I finally figured out his phone pin. He always locked his room, but thanks to some youtube tutorials on how to pick a basic door lock with a Bobby pin, that problem quickly resolved itself. Every time Elio went to shower, I'd sneak in and hack his phone, giving myself a fifteen minute crash course on all things valued by ur typical bottom. It turns out he fancied himself the next biggest thing in the drag scene. He was using my outfits to cement his status as "the rising star of the social media drag scene". I thought about deleting his account but I didn't want him suspecting me of it and tattling to my folks. Besides, he could always just create a new one and start over again.
He liked drag race, Kpop and iced coffee, but i couldn't exactly ruin his chances of getting on the show, and in the digital age, he had no cds to smash or switch out. Of course there was always the option of spiking his coffee with something nasty but I wanted him to feel the pain I did. And that pain simply wasn't comparable to a wasted $5.99 plus tax. I was about to concede defeat after about 2 weeks of trying to find something, when I discovered he downloaded grindr.
After my initial revulsion to the app (no not because of I was a homophobe. But because his profile and was full of his nudes) Regardless of what he was into, I didn't find my brothers ding dong appealing. I doubt any sister does). Elio wasn't really into hookups, but apparently he did like sending nudes to whoever asked for them. Its important to note that he always blurred or blacked out his face for privacy, and he appeared to color in the background of all his pictures with the image editing on his phone post production, and he always kept his location on "Never". I suddenly understood why he had taken to hogging the bathroom for up to 20 minutes over the weekend. I just assumed that he was just paying the price for going to Chipotle every Friday with friends but now I knew. He was basically trying to find the best angles for his customers. And just like that I finally had a plan.
What I did next was not something Im proud of but I was bitter, hurting, and desperate for payback. Not making excuses just telling it like it is. I downloaded grindr onto my own phone, and created a fake account. I used some stock photo of a six pack for my profile and punched in a bunch of fake info including a spoof GPS location (shoutout to the internet for walking me through the process!). I knew it would really make a difference to my brother. He didn't really seem to care who was getting his naughty pics so much as how "cute" he looked in them. The boy fancied himself a bit of a male model and I guess he decided grindr was the best place to get a feel for the industry.
Anyways, over the course of several weeks I became one of his regulars, routinely asking him for pics (all of which I promptly deleted upon receiving). I messaged him so frequently and stroked his ego the way I knew he liked it to be stroked (I had gone through enough of the chats backed up on his phone to know what kind of compliments made him more likely to keep sending stuff instead of just getting bored and blocking someone after the second or third time he sent them pics, before moving on to someone else). I boiled what made him tick down to a science and it wasnt long before I had him eating out of the palm of my hand). Eventually I had earned a spot in his heart as one of his "exclusives". At my suggestion, we'd start having "sessions" where we'd schedule times for him to "flood my basement", sending me caches of pics he'd taken over the course of the week while I would live chat my reaction as to the effect they had on me. It was gross and I always felt nauseous afterwards, but I wasn't going to let squeamish scruples stand between my revenge. Not after how far I'd come.
The next phase of my plan involved my search on pornhub for a pornstar who sounded similar to my dad, with a nice loud "battle cry" (do you guys see where this is going? If you want to back out now, no one will blame you) who was typically paired up with pillow princesses with considerably softer Eventually after several fruitless searches ending with me crying in a fetal position asking myself how much longer I could keep this up, and if it was worth it followed by the world's most twisted pep talk about how "I was a fighter who could do it" (basically think that scene from Joker where Arthur puts on his clown makeup crying and you've got something of an allegory for my struggle), I finally found a guy who sounded similar enough to my dad. I downloaded several videos featuring him roughhousing with some anorexic twenty somethings onto my laptop, strung them together with some crude online video editing app, converted it to audio, and separated my leading man's climactic hollers from the soft whimpers. I saved the file on my computer under the codename "Brand new Take on Oedipus".
Last but not least, I approach my dad under the guise of needing his help for a school project, while my brother is off with his friends. I tell him I'm acting out a one woman play for my drama midterm and I need him to be the voice of my protagonist's off screen father. I ask him to recite a series of lines for me to record on my phone, all the while encouraging him to "say them naturally". These lines include but aren't limited to "I told you not to disturb me. What is it?" "Is everything alright?", "now isn't a good time to talk", and most importantly "I finished my work so I think I'll head out to join the rest of the family at the movie theatre. See you later". I move the audio files onto my laptop and eagerly anticipate approaching the turning point of my master plan.
One Saturday morning, I had arranged for a "session" in which my folks would be out of the house and I'd be with them. Or so Elio thought. You see, my mom, dad, and younger brother were all going to the park near my house on a typical family outing. We'd go to the park, then take a walk around the local lake, and maybe catch a movie if we felt like it. We usually go around 4-5 ish and come back at night. I know that today will be a movie day because my baby brother has been nagging my folks to go see some kids movie for a while (which he learned was out this weekend courtesy of yours truly ;) Before I left the house, I made sure my bedroom door was wide open (important for later). While at the park, I asked to play on my dads phone, citing a low battery on mine to explain why I couldn't use it. Then I sent Elio a text telling him that "dad" had just recieved a call from his boss telling him he had some extra work he needed to finish. "I" was going to be in my office across the hall from his room, and could not under any circumstance be disturbed as I had a lot of stuff to do and very little time to finish it before the deadline. I waited to make sure he had read the text and sent me a thumbs up emoji in response before I told my folks that I wanted to head back home on account of me getting an early visit from the "lady in red". Not one to stand between a lass and her time of the month, my dad let me go home.
Feeling like a ninja, I returned to the house, all the while sending Elio my reactions to what we'll call his "cute little peach" (we had technically already started the "session" fifteen minutes ago). I crept into the house, snuck into my room on tiptoes. Thanks to my open door, I didn't have to worry about Elio hearing the creak of it from inside his room (they were next to each other), praying he didn't come out for any reason in time to find me, I retrieved my laptop and the Bluetooth speaker I used to listen to music in the shower, and tiptoed into my dads office, now making sure to close the door and lock it with enough force for him to hear from inside his room where I knew he was sending me the pics. I then send Elio a text apologizing for "being stuck doing something stupid. But now you've got my undivided attention baby". Now its time for the grand finale (in more ways than one). First I connect my currently muted laptop to my Bluetooth speaker (which I've put at maximum volume in advance). Then, I open the Oedipus file and start to run it, while I text more and more raunchy and unhinged reactions to the incoming pictures. Just as we're approaching the end of the video containing the loudest yell (I saved the best for last), I text Elio that he's "making me cum so hard like the little slut he is" just in time to turn up the volume to the loudest setting on my laptop, riiiight before the tarzan like whoop of passion I know is around the corner.
The scream played loudly enough to break the sound barrier. Calling it merely loud was the understatement of the century. It was enough so for me to have to cover my own ears despite putting on earplugs in advance. I wouldn't have been surprised if the neighbors heard. I wouldn't be surprised if people in Siberia heard. But one thing was certain. There was no way my brother didn't. I shut off the Oedipus file, lower the volume, and keep my finger on the recordings of my dads voice.
At first nothing happens. All is silent not unlike the universe before the big bang. The mounting tension would have been enough to send me into a heart attack had I implemented this scheme in my 50s. It takes every ounce of my will not to scream from the suspense. The agony is pure torture. I feel paralyzed in anticipation but I force myself to turn my attention to the grindr chat... I will myself to repeatedly punch in questions asking why Elio stopped sending pics all of a sudden, while keeping my ears alert for any hint of a noise from beyond the door. Time crawls to a standstill. Then.... just when I begin to wonder if the lack of results stems from me losing my grip on reality from the stress of waiting.... I hear the creak of a door turning on its hinges. The sound is faint enough to make me question its existence. By now I'm almost painfully adjusted to the waiting period. Enough to the point where part of me almost wants to deny hearing it out of fear of whether or not I'll react subtley enough not to blow my cover if its real.... but it can't possibly have been real... and then I hear something else. Footsteos across the room.. Its soft, timid and hesitant, but very much present.... knock knock knock. I take a deep breath and prepare to play one of the tapes. The following conversation ensues: Elio- Elio on the other side of the door Dad- Dad's prerecorded voice
Elio: Dad... are you in there? Dad: I told you not to disturb me. What is it? Elio: ... How long have you been in there? Dad: I've been in here for a while. Elio: I um... I heard a scream. Is everything ok? Dad: Oh yeah... I screamed because I dropped something on my foot. (I specifically encouraged my dad to say this line like he was hiding something). I'm ok now though. Don't worry about me. Elio:.... Ok... if you say so... Dad: I love you Elio: Yeah me too I guess?
I hear Elio go back into his room and within seconds I hear a notification for the grindr chat. He apologizes for the delay and like the putty in my hands I know he is, says exactly what I was banking on him to. Elio: You're not gonna believe this but my dad is in the next room and I heard him screaming at the same time you told me you were cumming lol.
And now commences what I believe the French refer to as the pies de resistance. I leave him on read and tiptoe downstairs with my apparatus while he waits for a response. Quiet. As. A. Mouse. Then I set up my laptop and speaker for one last audio blast. I put on my shoes and chill out for a few minutes watching his texts get more and more hysterical, begging me to respond with "lol thats so wierd" and to assure him it was all a coincidence. A merciful sister would have realized that avenging her dress shouldn't come at the cost of her brothers peace of mind, and come clean about the prank. I sent the following text to him. "Elio we are never going to speak of this. Not to your mom, not to your siblings, not to me. If you attempt to bring it up, you will no longer be allowed to stay in this house. We are going to put this incident behind us and go about as if nothing happened. I want you to delete your account on this website and every single picture that you posted on it. If you know what's good for you, never go back on the app again while living under my roof"
Then I blocked him before the final phase of my plan. From downstairs, I blast up both volume settings and fire up the last line I asked my dad to record; "I finished my work so I think I'll head out to join the rest of the family at the movie theatre. See you later". This time I hear Elio respond "Wait, what?" From upstairs, I can hear him coming down. Now its time to kick it into high gear. I shove my laptop and speaker under into a cabinet under the sink, jam my feet into my shoes, and sneak out through the back door and hide behind the shed.
After a few hours, my folks appear in the driveway and I rush out to welcome them back and come inside, as though I was with them the whole time. His relationship with my dad was never quite the same afterwards and many a night for years to come i overheard father bemoan his nonexistent relationship with his little slugger. Elio ended up moving out less than a year after the prom dress incident. He finally came out via a Facebook post a week after settling in to his new apartment. He blocked my parents on every social media platform and went completely NC. Any attempts on my dads part to reignite their father son bond was met with cold apathy and indifference when Elio wasn't flat out refusing to talk to him. For years the only time they ever met in person was at extended family get togethers. I felt a bit bad for my dad but it worked out in the end. Elios determination to distance himself from my dad resulted in him growing closer to me as a result. I think he didn't want to risk losing his other kids the way he did his oldest.
In all honesty, I'd have been happy to let Elio fester in guilt and shame for the rest of his life (we were never really close growing up and the prom dress incident was nothing more than the tiniest of tips on the largest of icebergs). But over the years our relationship slowly mended and perhaps it could have evolved into something that roughly resembled a healthy sibling relationship had he not tried to take over my wedding planning and revealed his own plans to get a free engagement ceremony/coming out party by hijacking my reception with a proposal to his then boyfriend. I tried to reason with him but his unyielding stubbornness forced me to pull the uno reverse card I hoped I'd never have to use. I sent him a text revealing that all this time dad had no idea he was gay, and that I was the one talking to him on grindr. I concluded my message with a warning if he showed up, I'd have security escort him out and afterwards I'd tell the whole family that he sexted his sister in high school and I had the nudes to prove it (I never kept any but he didn't know that) . He might have been able to reveal i was a liar had he not deleted his old grindr from back then. I then blocked him on all platforms before he had a chance to reply. He didn't come to the wedding, I never saw him again, and my quality of life greatly improved as a result of his absence in it.
TLDR: my closeted brother secretly starts wearing my clothes in order to boost his presence as a social media drag personality. He ruins my prom dress as a result and refuses to pay me back for it when confronted. I catfish him on grindr and trick him into believing he was sending nudes to my dad. His relationship with my family falls apart after I threaten him to never speak of what happened. I let him boil alive for years with what he thinks is his scandalous little secret, until i get engaged, and he tries to take over my wedding and use it to propose to his boyfriend. I reveal to him that I was the one pretending to be our dad all those years ago then threaten to show his boyfriend and the rest of my family all the nudes he sent me and accuse him of being an incestuous perv if he comes to the ceremony, before I block him