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How my grandma caused me to create a masturbation schedule so I could play piano (TL;DR at the bottom)
To start from the beginning, I had been taking piano lessons since I turned 12. To be blunt, I played really well. By the end of my second year of lessons, I competed in a regional competition and won. It simply came easy to me.
Being a boy, my YM leaders were extremely excited that they had someone to play at the beginning of meetings instead of everyone singing terrible acapella. Similarly, I was the only one in my seminary class that could play, so I got stuck doing the opening hymn every weekday as well.
Around this time, I discovered masturbation. On accident. It wasn't until a year later that we discussed the sinful nature of rubbing your iron rod when I realized that what I had been doing was sinful. The guilt from this lesson was paired with my Über-conservative grandma's lesson to me. She said that my ability to play piano was a gift from God and all my practice could be taken away in a single moment should I fail to obey all his commandments.
I decided to ignore my grandma's words and so I masturbated the day before seminary. When I got to class and started to play... I fucked up. Bad. I didn't even make it through the song. And being really self-conscious and lonely at the time, I slunk back to my seat and as soon as no one was looking, I sneaked out the back and cried for nearly the rest of the hour.
I made a pledge of abstinence. From then on I wouldn't ever touch myself like that again. I realized how right my grandma was. Masturbation made God take all my hard work and throw it away. An hour or more of practice a day could be lost by a single action. I would never masturbate again....
I lasted a week. The same thing happened the next time I got to class. I fucked up while playing and suffered the humiliation once more. The day after that, my seminary teacher decided to let me "take a week off". He would play tapes of hymns instead of letting me try again at the piano. This continued on for nearly a month.
I decided to get my act together. Obviously, I told myself, I needed to create a schedule so I didn't mess up playing piano. The days I new I wasn't playing, I'd masturbate the night before. Afterwards, I'd repent and I'd be ready to play again. Somehow, this plan worked. I was able to let loose my hormonal desires every few days and play the hymns nearly perfectly when I needed to. I would even use my school planner to schedule the days by highlighting the masturbation days in yellow and the piano days in blue. It was one of my proudest #notacult moments.
The guilt caught up to me after a while. Another lesson in YM sent me over the edge when I was told repentance means nothing if you commit the act again. In fact, God would rather that you never repent at all than if you repent several times without meaning it. After that lesson, I told my seminary teacher that I wouldn't be playing piano anymore. For the rest of the year he played the tapes and I would sit in the back ready to cry because I knew I had lost the ability to play piano.
I stopped practicing. I stopped telling people that I could even play. I wouldn't participate in competitions anymore. I knew that since I couldn't stop masturbating, then my god-given talent for piano was useless.
It took the destruction of my testimony before I felt comfortable playing again. When I turned 16, my shelf started to break. Since then, I've participated in several competitions, winning one regional award each year. Even though I stopped taking lessons, I still play for leisure and will occasionally play for groups without suffering the crippling anxiety the church and my grandma caused me.
I learned true humility from this experience. My gifts weren't god-given for my "righteous" living. My talents were earned after hard work and dedication.
My grandma and church leaders convinced me that if I masturbated I'd fuck up playing piano. This caused me anxiety so I would mess up. The embarrassment caused me to give up playing for several years. After losing my testimony, I regained my confidence and was able to learn true humility.